


King of Chickens

by jetredgirl



Category: Labyrinth (1986)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2019-10-05
Packaged: 2020-11-24 17:35:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20911469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jetredgirl/pseuds/jetredgirl
Summary: Sooo..how did chickens come to The Labyrinth, you ask? Here is one theory! A one shot filled with poultry, silliness, goblins and one annoyed, tight panted Goblin King.





	King of Chickens

The King of the Goblins was bored, it had been far too long since a wish away had arrived or a runner had amused him by trying to solve his unsolvable maze.

So he lounged upon his throne tapping his boot with his crop, lazily observing the goblins drunken tomfoolery.

"I wish the goblins would take you all away!" rang through the room. The king grinned his wicked grin, and changing into an owl went aboveground to face the potential runner.

What he found, however, was somewhat less that satisfactory.

A young man, barely out of childhood was being attacked by a group of chickens who he apparently committed some sort of grave offense against as they had knocked him down into a pile of excrement and were heartily attempting to pluck his eyes out.

"Here now, what is this?!" The king bellowed. The chickens stopped their attack and fled to the other side of the coop. The king noticed a few of his goblins slowly approaching the group of birds, a little afraid.

The young man covered in scratches, feathers, and chicken poop slowly stood. "Damn chickens! Pa told me to come out and find a good fat hen for tonight's supper, and they attacked me as soon as I walked in the with axe! That black hen is a demon chicken!"

"Well, you can hardly blame them can you? I would be quite put out if you came at me and mine with an axe." The king replied. Well if nothing else, he was amused. Demon chicken?

"Yeah well...wait, who the hell are you anyway?" The boy replied, finally realizing there was a man there he did not know. He looked him up and down, and his eyes became round as saucers. "Or should I say..what the hell are you?!"

Jareth bowed. "King of the Goblins, at your service. You called for me, did you not?"

"Well..kinda, I mean. I didn't know you were real!" the boy said, backing up. He was obviously frightened, and with good reason, the king thought. He was quite intimidating, if he did say so himself. As well as handsome and dashing, but that was hardly relevant here. He hoped it wasn't anyway.

"As real as you are, my boy. Now where is the wished away? Let's get this done and over with." The king said, adjusting his glove.

"Ummm..well, that's them over there." He said, pointing to the chickens.

It was The Goblin King's turn to be surprised. "You wished away a group of chickens? Are you mad?! Did you really think I would come all the way here, for a flock of malcontented birds?!"

The boy yelled back. "Well I told ya I didn't know you were real!"

Jareth sighed. He pinched the bridge of his nose and paced back and forth. Really? Chickens? Gods!

"Fortunately I have the right to refuse any wish away if necessary. Most especially if it is non human one. Boy, don't make me come here again, or I will turn *you*into a goblin."

"Kingy! We takes the chickens!" One goblin declared.

Looking over where the chickens were he saw his goblins among them petting and talking to the creatures. The chickens seemed enjoy it. Wonderful. He surmised it shouldn't surprise him, considering the overall intelligence of both species, that they would be kindred spirits.

"Merk, surely you can't expect me to offer someone their dreams for a flock of chickens?"

"Please Kingy, we loves 'em! They are purdy and sweet!" Merk said, bobbing his large wrinkly head up and down.

The chickens clucked in agreement..or what he assumed was agreement. The Goblin King rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"Alright! Take the chickens to the Goblin City. However, DO NOT let them in the castle and make sure you clean up after the messy things!"

With that the grinning goblins and their new found feathered friends disappeared.

The king turned to face the boy, who was standing there with his mouth hanging open at the group's disappearance.

"Well, I am obligated to offer you a choice, run my Labyrinth, or take your dreams." The king said reluctantly, holding up a crystal.

"My pa's going to be mad when he see the chickens are gone." The boy said to the king.

"That is not my concern. So do you want to run or not?" He waved to the doorway behind him. The boy turned and looked out the gigantic maze.

"Ummm..there is no way I'm tryin' to solve THAT for those chickens!" He declared. "I'll take the ass whipping from my pa!"

The Goblin King slapped his forehead. "Do not tell me that is your dream lad!"

"Noo..I want a good car and pretty gal. That's be worth taking the whipping for the darn chickens." Said the boy, grinning at The Goblin King.

"Fine fine whatever. Here" The annoyed king answered, practically throwing the crystal at him.

The farm boy caught it. It glowed, then disappeared. outside the door appeared a red convertible with a grinning blonde girl about the boy's age waiting in the passenger seat.

"Why, thanks there..Kingy. Enjoy the chickens." The boy said, dropping the axe and at a run hopped into the vehicle and sped away.

He saw an older man run out of the nearby house who grabbed a rake and chased the car down they dirt road. "Gosh darn you Jake! Get back here now! Where you goin'! Where did you steal that car from..Boy! Boy! Come back here! When I catch up with you I'm going to tan your hide! You're breakin' your mama's heart with all your shenanigans!"

The Goblin King watched, mildly interested in seeing if the older man would catch the car. Soon they were out of sight, a distant rumble of the car and screaming father echoing back through the land was all the king heard.

He shook his head and changed back into an owl and left to go back to the castle.

When he got there, he found a cacophony of noise and chaos.

Chickens running everywhere, and goblins joyfully chasing said chickens. In his throne room. Where he had specifically told the goblins NOT to take the chickens.

"WHAT IN THE BLOODY HELL IS GOING ON IN MY CASTLE?!" The king bellowed.

Merk, the most fervent of the pro-chicken contingency spoke up. "Kingy! We *tried* to keep 'em out, we did! Turns out chickens don't follow orders so well!" The goblin answered sounding just a little too chipper for the king's liking.

"Get these blasted birds out of my castle! All of you now! Or I will bog the lot of you, chickens and all!" He made his way through the mess, kicking at chickens and goblins alike.

The goblins started running and chasing even faster and while they were semi-successful at removing some chickens, there were still far too many for the king's liking beginning to take up residence all over the place.

The king went up the steps to his throne where a large black hen had decided to roost.

The king said in his deepest, most intimidating voice. "You there! Chicken! Get off my chair! Blasted bird!"

The chicken was not impressed. She looked him up and down, stood up, clucked and walked in a circle and sat back down again. As if to reiterate this was now her chair.

The king put his head in his hands and sighed. Suddenly he was very tired. So much for wanting something to do. How he wished he was back to being bored. You would think the king of making wishes would know better.

He shooed the chicken off the chair and sat..on a freshly laid egg.

"GAH!" The king yelled. "These are my best leggings!"

He stood up and looked at the puddle of egg on the chair, then checked his pants. His left butt cheek was covered in smashed raw egg goo.

He conjured a crystal and threw it at the mess He waved his hand over his behind and the goo disappeared.

He magicked up a mirror and inspected his leggings to make sure it was egg free and once again in perfect order to show off his exquisitely shaped derriere. Satisfied all was as it should be he breathed a sigh of relief. The mirror disappeared.

He collapsed back into his chair, watching the calamity unfold before him.

Eventually the goblins managed to get all but a few out of the throne room. The blg black hen refused to leave however, and walked around the king and his throne, eyeballing him.

He was getting a complex from the circling poultry. He had a suspicion the bird was plotting against him. Maybe the farm boy had been correct after all. It was possible she was a demon chicken.

"MERK! Get that black one there and removed her to the city and keep her there!" The king told the goblin.

Merk picked up the clucking chicken who started flapping and squawking in protest.

"Kingy she don't wanna go!" Merk said, wrestling with the bird.

"Yes, well, I think she has designs on my throne as a roost.. I refuse to share it with something that might soon be my lunch if it doesn't comply with my wishes!" The king said to the goblin and chicken.

The chicken got quiet, but still looked at him with hate in her eyes.

Merk got her outside but Jareth remained jumpy for a bit longer. Every rustling sound making him think the black hen was going to land on his head and attack him.

As time went on an uneasy truce developed between the king and the wished away chickens. They provided the city and castle with fresh eggs and kept the goblins entertained, and he learned to tolerate their presence..mostly.

To this day he is still suspicious of the black hen. Merk kept her on a leash in the city, but every time the king walked through to inspect his subjects that chicken gave him such a look of hatred the king gave her a wide berth.

King of Chickens, indeed. 

~Fin~

**Author's Note:**

> So this little piece of weirdness was the result of a conversation I had a few years back with my fellow author FrancesOsgood (who is awesome!) and inspired by Legendary author Lixxle and her most beloved chicken toss champion, Rosalinda.   
Just for clucks and giggles!


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